62. "Do We Even Know" Our OWN Issues? 'Darcy Luoma' w/ Favazza

Go do it. If it's not perfect, you're going to look like a fool and I could then get unstuck from that perfectionism or, I mean, everybody has different saboteurs, different trash talk. That is the first step is to create awareness about what it is. And then you can make a conscious choice about how to move forward and focusing on what you control, which again, comes back to that. Cool.

I completely agree. And I'd like to caveat onto that the fact that we already are doing this negative talk, whether we notice it or not, the fact is you're consciously doing it. So if you can hone that awareness to catch yourself, then you can alter the language. Redirecting your path to where you're currently going.

How can you create a transformation and others? If there's no transformation in yourself, join your host, Greg Favazza as your voice on the heart. So leadership, your transformation station, connecting clarity to the cutting edge of leadership. As millennials, we can establish change not only ourselves, but through organizational change, bringing transparency that goes beyond the organization and reflects back into ourselves extract, actionable advice and alternative perspectives. That will take you outside of yourself.

Darcy Luma. Welcome to your transformation station. Thank you. Great to be here. You are CEO of thoughtfully fit. Please tell me about. Thank

you thoughtfully. That is a leadership model that I created when I started to notice, um, that all of my coaching clients had similar challenges that they were bringing into our coaching sessions. I mean, this is after thousands and thousands of hours of coaching. I thought, gosh, everybody has the similar problems, different players, different details, different flavor. But the same problems under right at the core. So thoughtfully fit is the model that I designed based on the top six hurdles that I found clients have. Bottom line when you're thoughtfully fit, you handle yourself thoughtfully in every situation, no matter what, the hurdle, the obstacle, the challenge, the adversity adversity, so that you can get back to doing what you do best.

So when you're saying what your clients, what, who are your clients? Exactly. Yeah,

so I coach both individuals as well as teams and within organizations. Um, and the. Clients range from, you know, frontline to managers to direct reports, to C-suite, to an executive leadership team, or maybe there's a department team that wants to be high performing.

That is awesome. Okay. Like this is like my bread and butter, but then here in you, it's like, you're way up here and I'm down here striving to get up there with you. So please tell me, what did you find out? That's the commonality between these different types of individually?

Absolutely. Do you want the six hurdles? The six problems? Yes. Yep, yep. Yep. So, so three are internal where I find we get in our own way. And then three are external where we have challenges with other people in relationships. And so the, the three, and it's a ma it's a metaphor for being physically fit, right? So thoughtfully fit. And so if you train and practice and are fit, every movement is. Easier, same way. If you train and practice to be thoughtfully fit your life and relationships are easier. And so they're all a plan words of the physically fit men metaphor. So first problem clients come in, they say, uh, Darcy there's so much to do. I can't even. That's a lack of stillness. I love it.

No, it's just the fact that that is true is that these are common problems that are just going, that we're just skimming the surface of when you look at different coaches. So I like the model. It's really hitting some good points, but before we go any further, can you give us a little snapshot of your background? What you've done in your past, because I really would like to highlight that for our listeners.

Absolutely. I spent about 20 years working in, uh, politics. So I worked for a couple of presidential campaigns doing national advance. Did some work for the white house, did, uh, worked for a governor, uh, and 12 years as the director of a us Senate office. And, uh, when the Senator I was working for retired. Um, I changed completely and pivoted and redefined myself. So my last day with the Senator was January 2nd, 2013, and then January 3rd, I launched Darcy Loma coaching consulting, and that's the firm that I have now that focuses on creating high performing people and teams. And we do that through coaching and then consulting and then speaking. So trainings and workshops and also keynote speeches.

So this is a little off the notes, but I really would like to hit this a little bit. It's you were in the political fuel for a little bit. Now, does politics actually occur in an organism?

Yes, there's always politics different, right there, there may be not the politics from the standpoint of, they are trying to define an agenda and create public policy, right? There's a legislative executive judicial branch, which are sort of more traditionally known as politics, but there are always politics within any system with any culture

can. Now, can you define that a little bit as far as how a leader has to be. Uh, there has to be politically correct. In a sense when he's making a decision when he or she is correct. Thank you. I love that when he or she is making a decision that that comes into play,

um, being politically correct. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think that, you know, there's another way to say that is just, just having compassion and empathy for other people and being thoughtful, being politically correct. It's just recognizing that, um, there's a certain way you can say something and if you, if you say it in a way that triggers others, it's going to be harder to connect and have a good relationship. Whereas, if you say it in a way that's more thoughtful that honors and respects the differences, then maybe there's more of a chance for connection and relationship.

Interesting. Okay. I like that. Now we can go back. What types of problems does thoughtfully fit? Focus on

people problems

agree?

Yes. There are people problems and people being right. Where were you getting your own? Yeah. The first hurdle that I did, I, that I shared there's so much to do. I can't even think there's, that's a people problem where, uh, you're not setting boundaries. You're not prioritizing. You're not saying no, you want to be all things to all people. Right. Everything's important, then nothing's important. Um, and so there's, there's problems where we get in our own way. And then the, the other three hurdles are problems where we have, uh, challenges in relationship with other people.

Okay. So that's, that's interesting to me, it sounds like it's self regulation.

Absolutely. I mean, if you think about the, the, the, the, the highest performing people and leaders, they have, they have two things there. They have great self-awareness and then the ability to self-manage or to self-regulate. And so something happened. Instead of reacting or overreacting reacting impulsively, they're able in that moment. To pause. And this is the core of thoughtfully fit the core. There's three simple steps. Step one, you pause step two, you think, and you ask yourself some thoughtful questions. Okay. What's triggering me right now. How do I want to respond in a way that is going to neutralize this situation instead of escalated and then step three, you. Thoughtfully and that those three steps is indeed. That's a way to self-regulate so that you aren't either on the end of the spectrum of, uh, overreacting and having this knee-jerk reaction, that makes things worse or on the end of the spectrum where you're silently spewing, but you're not saying anything, but it's kind of building up the pressure and the resentment is growing inside of you.

Okay. So this is interesting. Can you apply this model to. Um, say individuals that are experiencing disengagement.

Yes. You can tell me more about an example of what, what,

so what I'm focusing on is with leadership. All right. So for them spotting employee disengagement, or even paying attention to the symptoms of them managing a team, like eventually we start to go on autopilot, but what are. Like ways that we could utilize that to encourage people to return back to the present moment.

Um, yes. So if you are. The team lead. You're the boss, you're the manager. And you're noticing some disengagement with, with, uh, with, uh, a direct report or even within, within, let's say your team, you're having a team meeting and everybody's kind of going through the motions or sitting back, maybe they got their zoom camera off. That's an opportunity to pause in the moment and to think now it may be that there's internal questions, but in that case, this is a place where, uh, the thing would be asking questions. Of the team, Hey, I'm curious, what's going on? And I'm just noticing that the energy is low. I'm noticing that everybody has their camera off right now. I'm sensing that that engagement is low. What's happening right here for you. What do you need to be all in how right you're asking those questions. And then the acts of three in that case is to implement and to thoughtfully move forward. Given the new awareness you have from the answers of those questions.

Now that doesn't happen automatically. So how would somebody who's just learning this model right now, actually be able to have, uh, have it consistently in their conscious and be able to hone it at the right time.

You just named it Gregory. The, the, the, the reason I named this model thoughtfully fit is because. If you train in practice, it becomes habit that becomes your new autopilot, right? You, you, you don't, you don't spew and jump at you. Your new autopilot is to pause and think and then act. So just like if you want to have a strong core physically, you aren't going to do sit-ups once a week. You're going to do them everyday, consistently, hopefully in the same way. If you want to build that habit, to be able to pause and think in the moment when you're with your team, when they're disengaged or there's conflict, and then act thoughtfully, you start right now. So anybody who's listening or watching, you can engage your core, right? When you stop listening, I guarantee you. The universe will provide you opportunities today. You maybe, um, you know, leave you get in the car and you decide to go get the groceries and you are ready to pull into the slot. And somebody, somebody from the other side pulls in, in front of you. So right there that most of us have a default. We get angry, we get hot. We want to flip them off potentially voguing road rage or something. Right? That's the place to hit the pause button. Do I really want to give my energy to this person? Do I, what's the point of being angry? Is it going to do anything besides passively? Get me shot? You know, what, what happens if I, what, how else could I show up in this moment? And you might act by smiling and waving them in and say, oh, go ahead, take the spot. You know what? I need more steps today. Anyway, I've been sitting at my desk all day. So to answer your question and it, and in a bottom line way, you start practicing now in the little thing. When your spouse says something and it triggers you instead of snapping back, you pause and you think, what could I do right now to honor that she's angry instead of adding fuel to the fire? And then you might act by saying, oh, I was honey, I'm noticing I'm getting defensive. I don't know if that, if you meant that with that comment, but I'm feeling like I wanna, I want to bite back. And just naming that in the moment and then acting in that way can neutralize it a little bit. So then you practice on the small things so that you're ready and have a strong core for the big things.

I like that. Uh, for those that don't understand what a core is, it's actually the center of gravity in your body. It's the midsection. I mean, no matter how much you work out all your limbs, that is the most important part of your. We should address that there. So my next question is what's an effective technique for coaching leadership that supports an organization's objectives or diversity, equality, and inquisition.

Okay. You got to say that question again, cause it was long have to, so how do you coach a leader? Yes, they want more diversity.

Uh, within the culture. So for a coaching leadership that supports an organization's objective for diversity equality and inclusion,

and is the leader resistant or they're just wanting to, to have a value of having more inclusion and diversity in organization value. They're wanting to honor that that's a value. Yes ma'am. Yeah. Great. So, so when I'm coaching somebody. Um, Coaching is different than mentoring. If I'm a mentor, I'm the expert. I'm going to come in and say, here's what you need to do. I've done this. I've worked with other organizations who are trying to build up a diversity and equity. These are the things you didn't do if I'm coaching them. They're the. So I'm going to ask questions. I'm going to get curious. I'm going to hold up the mirror. I'm going to, I'm going to repeat back what I'm hearing and I'm going to help them identify the action steps to move forward and define how they want to create accountability. And so if I'm coaching a leader, it doesn't matter what their goal is. If their goal is to increase diversity inclusion and equity, or their goal is to make more money or if their goal is to have more work-life balance. If their goal is to spend more time with their kids without losing profit, it doesn't mean. I'm going to show up as a coach and say, okay, great. So, so let's get really clear. What is success? What's the end game? How, how would you know if you have more diversity and equity inclusion, what does success look like? Where are you today? What's the gap? How do you want to close and fill that gap? What tools and support and resources do you need to be able then to close the gap? What's the next. Right. So you just break it down. What's the desired state. What's the current state. How do you need to, uh, close the gap from current to desired and then what's the next step? And that's key if I'm coaching somebody. I'll end the coaching session. Let's say we have coaching conversations every two weeks. So I'll say, what, what are you going to do? Not what are you going to do to create diversity inclusion? What are you going to do between now and our next coaching session within the next two weeks? And what's so interesting. Gregory is how many times after four months I'll have a leader say, oh my God, I've been trying to do this for four years. And I haven't been able to how this, this is great. I've made some. Because you're taking consistent regular actions that align with the desired states and well, a LA magically, you get to that desired state.

I could not agree more like that is fantastic. I love that. And you mentioned something about personalized. So now I want to touch base with how can be in thoughtfully fit, assist us in navigating in our daily lives.

Everywhere. Yeah. Everywhere. And the reason it can help us anywhere is because. People are annoying, uh, whether it's personally or professionally, right? Like neighbors, kids, spouses, in-laws parents, people are hard. And even if they're not annoying, they're different than we are. And so it creates conflict. And so when you're thoughtfully fit, You can see their humanity. And instead of getting triggered by the conflict, the differences, the annoying character trait, whatever it is in that moment, again, we go back to the core. You can pause and think, okay, how do I want to show up in this relationship, in this conflict, in this situation, and then you act thoughtfully instead of in, in your daily, personal life, trying to just. Get your way. Yes. Right. Go, go to battle. You're seeing an honoring the, the, the, the bigger picture and the longer term relationship instead of the shorter term moment.

Wow. Okay. That's that's really good. Yeah,

it might be helpful. Would it be helpful if I just grounded it in a short little example, please? Yeah, so, so my, my ex-husband when we were married, um, you know, we have, we had different personality and, and oftentimes when you asked about how can it assist in your daily lives while just look at it through the lens for a moment of a partnership, a lot of times opposites attract. And, um, Ray, that that's what draws you and what draws you to somebody eventually is what annoys you about them? So I'm an introvert. I want to go to the party on Friday nights. I want to drop off a bottle of wine. I want to stay for a half hour and say hello and see everybody. And then get home and get in the bathtub with a book and chill out. My husband was an extrovert. He wants to go to the party and wants to stay till the very end. And he's going to come home and energize. So who's right. Who's wrong. There, there is no right or wrong. It's just a different way of being just like if you have a boss who is a visionary, big picture, creative, and you have a Europe, an analyst, you want details, facts. There's not a right or wrong. It's just a different, a different way. Of showing up in the world. So instead of saying, okay, honey, you got to come home early. Trust me, you're going to love it. It's so relaxing being home, reading a book, or instead of my spouse saying, Darcy, you gotta just stay till the end. As soon as like 10, 10 30, 11 hits people relax. And then the party really starts. And it's fun instead of trying to convince the other person to change. When you're thoughtfully fit, you look for the win-win. It's not, I win you lose or I'll lose fine. I'll stay till the end. It's not a big deal. You're trying to find the win-win. And so you say, okay, well we know that we want to go and honor our friends. We want to, we want to have some fun. How about if we take two cars or how about if we take one car and I leave when I'm ready and you take an Uber home. Or how about, you know, I want to leave at eight. You want to leave at midnight? How about if we leave at nine? Yeah,

I understand you completely. I am an introvert so that I can only be at a party. Our max at that point, I'm exhausted because I got to go out and interact with people and they're like, wow, you're so you're so artistic. You can talk so much and then they want more. And it's like, I gave you everything. I can't give you anymore. I got to go home and recharge. Yes. Yes, exactly. So you mentioned mentors earlier who was a impactful mentor on the professional side that you remember.

Well, interesting. John stocks was probably one of my biggest mentors. He was my, uh, very first boss out of college. Hired me. I moved to Madison, Wisconsin for this job and he mentored me and taught me so much about communication, um, about how to connect with people about the importance of relationships. He taught me about accountability. I mean, he said, if you can't count it, it didn't happen. And, and I had, I mean, no matter what it was, we'd figure out a way to count it a way to measure success. And it's a, you know, you, you, if you can't count, it didn't happen. So what does success look like for this project? Let's figure it out. And then you have to be able to articulate how you did it. Huge mentor on many levels for me, I liked

that. So during your interaction with each other, what was an important lesson that you've learned about yourself that you just misunderstood?

Um, how long do we have it there? Three hours.

Just an hour, just an hour.

Um, Ooh, an important lesson I learned about myself that I did not understand. Well, I think one important lesson that I've learned is my propensity for perfection is. Actually more negative than positive. So wanting to have a high bar, wanting to have a high quality, that's a, that's a strength, but our strengths taken to the extreme often become a weakness. And for me, that strength of wanting things to be done right. And have high quality going to the extreme to becoming perfectionist. Really did not serve me well. And the perfect became the enemy of the good. And in, in many cases, I, I actually, um, uh, shut things down because it couldn't be done. Perfect. So I didn't want to do it at all. And so I played small.

I really liked that. And I agree. I have that same exact issue. It's a double edge sword, if you don't understand it. So for. For those that are experiencing that, what would you tell them?

Well, so whether that they have someone who is listening and has the same issue as you and me, or whether they have a different issue. The first most important thing is to raise your awareness and acknowledge. And learn that that's an issue. So I didn't know that was an issue. I had to get feedback. I had to hire coaches and, and learn from my mentors. That that was an issue. I thought this is a really good thing. Isn't it? I like things to be perfect and high quality. One. And I remember it was actually a swim coach. Um, I was doing masters swim and, uh, maybe two years after coaching with this, this coach, and really learning how to swim as an adult for triathlons. He said, okay, Darcy, I think you're ready to do a master swim meet. And I said, I can't do a master swim meet. I immediately have this visceral reaction. Now. I, my, where my mind went is started, you know, this voice in my head, right? What I call this inner trash dock. And that thoughtfully fit model we took about trash doc was saying, you don't know how to dive off the blocks. You don't know how to do flip turns. You're going to look like a fool. It's not going to be perfect. So don't do it. And so what I learned is that saboteur that trash-talk, um, when I listened to it, I didn't play a big, I didn't have a fun life cause I was like, oh, I might not do it perfectly. I won't do it at all. What I learned is through awareness, that is a voice. That I need to name so that I can articulate in the moment when that voice is trying to shut me down. I know her so well that I have lovingly called her little miss perfect pants. And so when somebody, or when, when somebody says, Hey, Darcy, do you want to do this? Or when I wanted to launch my business, after I was done with politics, Little miss perfect pants was like, you can't start your own business. You don't have your MBA. You don't know how to do a PML statement. You don't know anything about social media. So that first step is awareness. Once I had awareness, then I could recognize, oh, oh, okay. That's a little miss perfect pants. And then I could address that and say, you know, It's okay. That I'm not going to swim this perfectly. The point of doing a master swim meet isn't to win or look good. It's to be fit it's to have fun. It's to be around healthy people, it's to try something new. And so as soon as I would call her out, she'd be like, okay, fine. Go do it. If it's not perfect, you're going to look like a fool and I could then get unstuck from that perfectionism or, I mean, everybody has different saboteurs different trash-talk. That is the first step is to create awareness about what it is. And then you can make a conscious choice about how to move forward and focusing on what you control, which again, comes back to that.

I completely agree. And I'd like to caveat onto that the fact that we already are doing this negative talk, whether we notice it or not, the fact is you're consciously doing it. So if you can hone that awareness to catch yourself, then you can alter the language. Redirecting your path of where you're currently going to perfectly

stated Gregory. You're doing it, whether you're aware of it or not. It's our humanity and it's not a bad thing. So I'm not trying to say be Pollyannish and just to have positive, healthy boss thinks good thoughts. That's not it. What I'm saying is we have thoughts, always the hundreds of thoughts a day it's being aware is this thought serving me, or is this a thought sabotage? And our thoughts lead to our actions. And so if this thought is sabotaging me, you got to slow it down, slow your roll don't act on that thought somebody sends you an email and it's biting. And your thought is what a jerk. And you pound out an autopilot response. That sabotaging thought what a jerk leads to the sabotaging action of pounding out a defensive, angry reply that now makes things worse. So being aware of your thoughts. Oh, okay. This is I'm angry right now. This is a sabotaging thought. I'm not going to act that out with a pause. I'm going to give myself time and space to think I'm triggered. I think this was an inappropriate email. How can I show up that will. Calm things down that will neutralize the situation and then you act, and it might be, you don't hit recline at all. You pick up the phone and you say, Hey, that email, you said it really stung. And is that what you meant? And the person might be like, oh, sorry, no, I just got in a fight with my spouse and I took it out on you. And you just inverted, uh, you know, a potentially making a situation a lot worse. I have now talked in circles. I don't remember what your question was. How's that for you?

No worries. You answered it very well. Which leading to the next question. What is the most common difficulties that you've encountered while mentoring corporate leadership?

Um, can I adjust the question a little bit to. Yes, I do a lot more coaching leadership than mentoring. Um, and so, and that's a slight distinction, um, but it gives me my brain easier to be able to answer it if I put it through that lens of, of coaching. Um, so the Mo the biggest, the biggest obstacles is that what the question is.

Yes. My mind was still stuck on note mentoring. So my apologies.

Yeah. And I can answer it from mentoring. I just have sort of a greater array of experiences to draw funding from. If I put it through the lens of coaching,

I want the gold send it.

Perfect. I don't want to change your question. I just want to give it value here. Um, so biggest obstacles that leaders experienced when. Yeah, well, okay. So this goes back to those hurdles. We talked about the first turtle there's so much to do. I can't even think the second hurdle. I don't always handle myself the way I'd like third hurdle leaders get stuck. They get stuck in a project. They get stuck in a relationship that they can't seem to move forward. People get stuck for. Uh, it's some version of I'd be fine if only you were different, right. If somebody else would change the way they behave, then I could be, I love, I love the laughter. You gotta tell me what's

that's to me. I mean, that's like, that's some mentality of me that I have because when I would, when I was in the army, like that's. Like, that's what I saw. I was like, they don't understand my message. Then they're broken. You need to fix yourself. So get on your fucking hands and you stay there until you're ready to get up until, you know what I'm asking. But then now that I've transitioned out and I've seen the civilian world like that mentality, it's it's, it's old school. So Mike, that my curiosity was with the previous question, with what you've encountered with. Coaching corporate level leadership is that type of mentality and how you were able to transition that mentality to modern culture.

Yeah. I mean, that's, to me, one of the reasons I love coaching is because it's all about creating, aware. It's helping the person create awareness of what their behaviors are, what their mentality is. And then getting curious about how is that serving. You know, you, it sounds like you've had a great revelation that, that how you were behaving is not how you want to be behaving. Now that awareness has sparked for you. I'm guessing a new way of being and showing up in the world. New awareness creates the access and ability to have new actions. And so if I'm coaching a leader and we're recognizing that some mentality is getting in the way, like I'm a perfectionist, then we're going to get curious, what are the pros and cons of that mentality and, and what, what are the pros and cons of keeping it and not changing. And then once they were like, oh my God, if I keep behaving this way, life's going to be miserable. And once they're aware that there's something that they want to change the actions and the change typically come real easily for leaders. Okay. Yeah, there to that awareness that's

key, but it doesn't happen automatically. In my understanding with my schooling and understanding, like, if we're going to make a rational decision to change ourselves, it's usually based on an impact that has occurred, whether it affects us through a life event or a trauma. I mean, what do you think

if that, so, so rewarding. What I heard you say? Great. That was when, when, when events happen, when life happens, when, when, when adversity happens, it's what sparks us wanting to change. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. If, if you are, if you're strong enough to allow that to change you, meaning. For some people, adversity happens. Some life events, some trauma. And instead of sparking like, oh, I want, I want to use this to become a better person. I'm going to use this to learn and grow and change. Some people say I'm shutting down and I'm going into a cave, or I'm not going to change. I'm going to be angry. I'm going to be a victim. I'm going to be pissed at that person. So, and it, and it does, it takes courage and strength when something happens to, to face it and to say, Yeah, what I prefer that this event didn't happen or that this person didn't treat me that way. Yeah. Okay. I got news for you. You can't control the things that happen to us. The only thing you control is was what happens next and that's how you respond to it. So that to me is where the power is. And so I just wanted to highlight and articulate that Gregory, that the fact you were able to do that that takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength and discipline, because the easy way out is to just be mad at the other person to be mad at the pandemic that I can't go to my job anymore, to be mad at the person who did something wrong to me and be a victim.

Nope. Yes. And, and an order to recognize. And if you have experienced that particular situation, whether it is trauma or an event or anything, but to recognize it as an opportunity versus just victimization or being a victim of life, but being able to pivot towards opportunity is the underlying factor that you have self awareness already.

And, and that's one of the reasons why I always have a coach or a therapist because I have blind spots and there's things I can't see. And there's self-awareness that I don't know that I don't know. And so it's, it's through the benefit of, or, or a mentor, but I, I I've, you know, I have tended to pay for coaches and pay for therapists. It's harder to find somebody who will volunteer and give their, their time and energy to be a mentor for a longer period of time. But I like to get that feedback to help me increase my self awareness because sometimes I can't see my flaws and character defects myself.

Yes, because we get a blinders on that's what I've been hearing through previous interviews. Yeah. So for me, I have a personal question. Like when I finished my degree in organizational leadership, which will be next year, I'm going to acquire a coaching certification and then go out there and get after it. Uh, do you have any suggestions for me on how to. Give it my all to all my clients as an executive coach.

Um, yes, I've got a lot. The first place I would, I would start is what, you know, what does it look like for you to give it your all? Like, what, for me, I'm curious. What does success mean? Look like for you? If you are a phenomenal executive coach and you're giving it your all, how, how, how would you define. Oh my

God for me giving it my all, like I would be up day and night delivering the best presentation that I could possibly deliver that will sweep everybody off their feet and raise their hand up, shouting my name for Vasa favas. That is fantastic, but I know in reality, it's not going to happen because then my personal self will get untouched. And then I will just look like I'm dead when a time for me to show up. So I guess my. Self and given it, my all will be understanding exactly what my clients would need for me. And that is through observation. I've lost it. Please help me out

here. Yeah. You bet. Let me, let me jump in a couple of things and, and this, and I love that you, you've got a vision of where you're going when you've been congratulations on your degree next year and that your vision, and then saying, I wanted to then go get credentialed. And so coaching, I give you a lot of credit because a lot of people. Put up a website and say, I'm a coach, no judgment. You can do that. But to be a phenomenal coach, whether it's an executive coach or a life coach or whatever takes training and practice, one of the things is because there's a red flag. If, if, if, if you, as the coach are working harder than your clients, that's a red flag for a couple of reasons. One is the client is the one who has the awareness and they're the ones that should be working harder in service of whatever it is, their goals that they're trying to reach to. If you're working harder than your client. And after client, after client, after client, it's not sustainable. It's like you just alluded to you're exhausted. And then what good are you? You're not. And so I would tweak with all due respect slightly. Just one thing that you said, like I would want to, and I'm, I'm paraphrasing now, but you said something like, I would want to know, how can I give them the greatest value and the best, right. The best advice, um, that the slight tweak would be when, what I'm truly coaching is, is it's less about me and more about them. Like, what do you need to create the biggest shifts? Not what can I do? To help you create those shifts because it could be that. What they need is something in the coaching. They need something from me and it could be that what they also realize that they need in order to get to where they want to go is some additional degree or training, or maybe they need to have greater self care. Maybe they're exhausted because their, their, their, their diet is bad. And so they have this car, you know, the crash every day, multiple times a day from eating carbs and then having, uh, you know, sugar high, and then. There's all sorts of things that might help them get to peak performance way beyond what I could ever do as a coach. So my job is it, you know, and what I would, what I would suggest that you look for when you're, when you're in that coach training is how do you help them identify what they need and empower them? Because I'm always, I'm always looking to coach myself out of it. And so if it's about me, I'm creating dependence on me and then they have to always be paying me and I have to always be their coach. If I'm the one that's helping them be successful. Versus if it's about them, I'm one tool in their toolbox, but I'm helping them arrange and decide what are the tools do they want to have? And what does success look like? And the end project of this, whatever they're building with this awesome toolbox that they have. And my goal is always to coach myself out of a job. I celebrate when the, when a client says, I think I'm ready for completion Darcy. I'm like, yes, that is fantastic because I don't want it to be a situation where they have an obstacle and they think, oh, what do I do? I don't know what to do. I better call it. I want it to be, oh, I don't know what to do, what I do. Okay. What would Darcy do right now? She'd asked me a question. What would she ask me? She'd asked me, what do I want? And what's getting in the way of that. And how could I address that obstacle and what do I need to do right now? And all of a sudden they've coached their selves themselves. And then I run into people at church or the grocery store all the time who say former clients, I was going to call you Darcy. Cause I had this problem. I was stuck. And then I thought, well, wait a week. If I called Darcy, what would she ask me? That is the best compliment ever. If I can help somebody get to the place where they are coaching themselves. So that's me. That'd be what I would want for you is to get to that place where you have such a phenomenal impact that the executive clients you're working with. Not only have breakthroughs in the time they're working together, but much further beyond because of the impact you had with them.

That is gold. Like, um, yes. Thank you for

that. I'm so excited for you

that I'm like, I lost myself there and so I got to pull myself out, but for our listeners, how can they, um, get in touch with you if they want to learn about.

That's great. Yeah. So my website is Darcy loma.com and that has lots of resources. My blog, I've got Buffalo, Thursday videos on there, all sorts of stuff. And then it also goes through coaching and keynote speaking and, um, organization development, that sort of thing. The other place where I want to point your, your fans Gregory, is if they want, if they're interested, they can go to thoughtfully fit dot. And there there's a quiz. They can take two or three minute quiz it's free. And if they take that quiz, I talked about those six hurdles that get in the way of being high performing. And we, I don't even think we got through all six, cause we've got so much for talking about we, they can take that quiz and it'll tell them the result of what's the biggest hurdle. Like if you took the quiz, which one of these is the biggest hurdle that gets in the way of your business and life success, and then some strategies on how to overcome them. So thoughtfully fit.com. That quiz would be, I think, a great first start starting point because the whole design of that quiz is to help someone create that awareness. Once you have awareness as you and I have been talking about this whole hour, then you have access to different actions.

Beautiful. I will make sure to put that in the show notes now, Darcy, is there anything else that you would like to leave our listeners with something I haven't asked you?

Oh, my gosh, you were so fabulously curious E I've loved this. I don't know that there's anything you haven't asked me. Um, I will just underscore that anybody who's listening can start right now and can do the core workout and look for an opportunity to pause and think, and then act instead of what I had a client say to me, Darcy, I realized I do it backwards. I asked. And then I pause and think, oh, I shouldn't have done that.

Agreed, agreed. I can be guilty of that, Darcy. Thank you so much for coming onto your transformation station.

I've loved it. Thank you so much.

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