122. Pressed with Psychological Trauma Jessica Jordan with Favazza

Gregory Favazza: 0:00

Well, today's dating era, I mean, if we keep listening to true crime on a daily basis, we're gonna have these thoughts that everybody is a murderer, thus nobody's going to go out on a date. And now it's. It's becoming more so connected with this porn addiction because everybody's listening to this. And now what do we do? We say everybody's not an axe murderer. People like give somebody a chance, then you do. Then that's the one time you do need somebody who is an act.

Announcer: 0:34

You're listening to a podcast that encourages you to embrace your vulnerabilities and authentic self. This is your transformation station and this is your host, greg Favazza.

Gregory Favazza: 0:50

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to your transformation station station station, hi hello. Stop fucking with the microphone, gregory. Stop it now, little bit Billy. All right there we go how you doing doing all right, got the you, can you hear me? Okay, am I coming through? Yes okay, perfect.

Jessica Jordan: 1:19

Where are you located?

Gregory Favazza: 1:21

I'm located in St Louis Missouri.

Jessica Jordan: 1:24

Okay.

Gregory Favazza: 1:24

What about you?

Jessica Jordan: 1:26

The Redwood Forest in Northern California.

Gregory Favazza: 1:28

That's badass. What is? Where is that near? Like what's the closest city that I can try to Kentucky windage the idea of where you're at.

Jessica Jordan: 1:38

Most people won't ever hear of. So the biggest city in the county is Eureka, with 29,000 people. Okay you know it's about five hours drive north of San Francisco.

Gregory Favazza: 1:50

Mm-hmm. Okay, and your accent. Are you originally from that area?

Jessica Jordan: 1:55

No, I Spent my first 21 years in the Chicago suburbs, like an hour northwest of Chicago. Okay field on my street.

Gregory Favazza: 2:06

Oh yeah, that's badass. Okay, definitely no, I really like what you focus on and I really can't wait to try to understand the I Won't. I won't say anything until it's time to start. Okay, hey, jessica Jordan, welcome to your transformation station. How you doing doing pretty good.

Jessica Jordan: 2:26

This morning just had a little solo dance party to get myself all jazzed up.

Gregory Favazza: 2:33

Oh yeah, what are we getting jazzed up for?

Jessica Jordan: 2:35

the podcast. I'm excited. And it wasn't jazz music. I don't really get very jazzed up. It was more just like really cool percussion music that makes your body want to dance.

Gregory Favazza: 2:46

Excellent, right there. I'm not a jazz fan myself either. Usually I'll kind of just crank out an audiobook and go with the flow of the, the rhythm of who's talking.

Jessica Jordan: 2:58

Yes.

Gregory Favazza: 3:01

So you focus on Addiction and now it has a specialty. But is the specialty? It's porn. Let's mean, let's just get that out there right now. Yeah, so the the audience won't have any like, it won't see porn addiction is what we're going to look to. Sex porn, ptsd, near-death experiences, Lots of porn. So let's, so that's out of the way, it's not? It get the shock factor Addressed and yeah, let you kind of help us here understand this.

Jessica Jordan: 3:41

Yeah, so I'm a former wildlife biologist and now I have the world's most comprehensive and thorough porn addiction recovery program on the planet for men and it's really essentially anything under the umbrella of any sex related addiction and Any of my clients who come and work with me to recover from this. It's very rare when someone has only one addiction. They kind of come in, you know, multiples. Yes you know, maybe they're also addictive, addicted to alcohol, or gaming, or scrolling social media, or an eating addiction, or gambling, online shopping, like you name it, cocaine, like I've seen it all. And we address it Holistically, because otherwise, if something isn't addressed holistically, when someone you know quotes, air quotes, overcomes one addiction, if they don't address it, the root cause, on the subconscious level, they do. It's called addiction switching or dopamine switching, and I call it playing whack-a-mole with addiction, addictive behaviors or substances. And so why, while I myself have never been addicted to pornography or really even cared much about it, I did. I was with a man for three years who was severely addicted to pornography. Alcohol, you know, would casually do cocaine, all sorts of things, and I myself had brain damage From a naturally occurring seafood neurotoxin back into okay, hold on, hold on. Yeah there's.

Gregory Favazza: 5:09

We could keep going and I don't want to jump into that just yet, but that that is fascinating because there's a lot of questions I want to unpack and throw at you is Okay, wow, you haven't had the addiction, but you have seen it firsthand, and that that's going to be relatable to our audience. It's relatable to me as far as understanding the addiction. It's not necessarily what the drug of choice is, but more so towards the chemical response that you are receiving within the brain when you are fantasizing about that drug or Getting the drug of choice, or I should say vice.

Jessica Jordan: 5:54

Yeah, and so essentially I think that a lot of people might have a misconception about what addiction really even is. So I think putting a little bit more context and definition and clarity about that is really important. So, for starters, addiction is merely a symptom of unresolved childhood trauma and Most people who have childhood trauma are unaware of it because it's not some obvious bad thing that happened to you. We can talk more about that in a bit as well. I would love to yeah, and essentially anyone who legitimately heals from addiction Must absolutely heal from trauma and we can call that Unresolved emotional wounds in the past that are still residing in the subconscious mind and nervous system, that have an effect in that individual Until it's recovered, until it's healed. And so essentially every Addictive you know choice or behavior or substance it's not necessarily a pursuit of pleasure, but it's ultimately an escape from pain. It's an escapism behavior to escape the pain of the unresolved emotional wounds of the past that reside in the subconscious mind and nervous system. The physical body is a grand extension of the subconscious mind, that's the issues are in the tissues and essentially and you got to feel it to heal it. When we escape, when we take those escapism choices, it's a distraction from yourself to not feel the true things that are really uncomfortable and unsettling. And when someone has unresolved trauma it shows up in as anxiety or depression or numbness or, you know, there can be insomnia. And With any wound think of a physical wound on someone's body it can be one of two ways Extremely sensitive to the touch, where a little, a little touch will be very painful and you can say that that can be akin to extreme emotional sensitivity. That is one avenue that trauma takes.

Gregory Favazza: 8:04

Okay.

Jessica Jordan: 8:07

And that should be very, very intense and unpleasant, and the need to escape seems like the best choice at the time, in that moment. It's a these escapism, behaviors and choices is called the adult security blanket. Horn, in particular, has been nicknamed the adult security blanket. But then what else can happen with a wound? It can get calloused and numbed over and doesn't feel anything. And so, yes, these are people who they want to feel Something in. That addictive choice or behavior gives them that dopamine high to so that they can at least feel something because they're totally numbed out to the world.

Gregory Favazza: 8:41

And so these are the two avenues, avenues that Unresolved trauma can can cause in the subconscious mind of an individual either so with these, this numbness You're saying it's escapism or just escaping their reality, but wouldn't it be like like I'm looking at as an unconscious theme of layers of Stress that is Essentially sitting on top of this purse? I'm thinking like it's just like coats, like they have like five coats on and each coat represents the, the sexual abuse as a child, that being the PTSD From an incident in the military. Like these different coats are just kind of Putting on this lens of what you're doing in your day-to-day life and that's essentially your ego and that's being. You're responding emotionally but you don't have that Awareness to see in the gap between the thoughts of what is really going on, but just taking in what your ego is saying and not having a moment of clarity.

Jessica Jordan: 9:50

Exactly. I love what you said about the layers of the coats. I've said like a clay ball. Every time you have a stress response and and you escape it and you don't resolve it, it's like a new layer of clay getting added on and Until you have this enormous ball of clay with all of the different layers that we added on, and every time we choose to escape, it's essentially another layer getting added on while simultaneously Lowering your ability to tolerate stress. So smaller and smaller stressors are a trigger into another escapism behavior, and so Life can feel worse and worse with time, because it's like you're putting on all those layers of coats or clay that are just weighing you down, and ultimately it's those. Those things are not fun to explore and look at. It's that escape isn't behavior. It says I don't want to look internally because when I do, it feels overwhelming and I don't know what to do with it, and so the only way I've learned how to cope with it is actually in a way that is self-destructive, but gets me through the moment, gets me through the day, but it's worse.

Gregory Favazza: 11:08

Okay, so with your, with your clientele, okay, you focus with the mail. Have they reported to you or have you noticed, within utilizing your practices, that they choose partners that have similarities and their coping mechanisms? Because I know I always choose Somebody that has Understand a previous situation that I have dealt with. Because that's I mean you can't be with somebody who hasn't experienced what you've experienced, or somewhat close to it, because then that trouble will always be haunting you and you want to have that closeness With somebody you potentially choose to date.

Jessica Jordan: 11:52

I would say with my clients. It's extremely rare that they have a partner that understands it, because usually they have kept it. They're either usually single because their pornography addiction keeps them single, or they're married and they are fearful that if they talk to their wife or their girlfriend or their fiancee, that it's going to end in divorce or breakup, and so they hold it as a secret, like extreme fear of rejection, extreme emotions of shame. And what does the emotion of shame make a person want to do? Hide and be invisible. It is so hard to use your voice when you want to be invisible. And so and I'll add this one component because I think it is important to say so I, the brain damage that I had, triggered my brain into having something called hypersexuality disorder, which is essentially very, very extreme sexual urges, and so I didn't act out with pornography. It was more like real life partners or just white knuckling the urges and not acting on them. And it would be like a constant state of addiction withdrawal, because I wasn't doing the healing but I was like doing the enduring, and at that time I wasn't even aware that it was an addiction that my body had had.

Gregory Favazza: 13:13

Interesting. So how, how would how would that come about, like I mean, I mean, yes, there's definitely understandings of people have a higher sex drives and lower, but I mean getting, and you need to explain. I'm sorry.

Jessica Jordan: 13:32

So essentially and I know other people who've had chronic illnesses that triggered them into hypersexuality disorder it wasn't like necessarily going out and making choices and decisions that escalated to an addiction. It was the subconscious mind's way of trying to create a coping, a coping mechanism to try to create healing. And the reason why I think that hypersexuality disorder is created one in a lot of people who have chronic illnesses, and especially head trauma, is one of the neurochemicals that is required for both physical and emotional healing is oxytocin, and the activity that boosts oxytocin like none other is a sexual experience. So this is kind of my theory. I don't know if there's any ever been any research on this, but I'm thinking the innate wisdom of the subconscious mind says you need oxytocin to heal every part of who you are right now. So it creates a sexual deep desires for sexual experiences to go and elevate that oxytocin. But if that experience is not done in a healthy, safe, loving capacity, then it just can be highly addictive and not so. It just it's not healing.

Gregory Favazza: 14:45

Interesting.

Jessica Jordan: 14:46

And another part of that is a lot of people with chronic illnesses like I had deal with kind of an identity crisis where it's I used to look at myself as this way in life and now this chronic illness took all of those things away from me and I don't know how to feel like a valuable human being and this is, I think, is maybe more true in women. It's I have super, super low subconscious self worth and fear of rejection. How do I go and not get rejected? Go create a sexual experience out there in the real world, and that is a reminder to the subconscious mind that says, hey, look, I'm valuable and worth something. I didn't get rejected. But then it is extremely dangerous because that becomes the only way that the subconscious mind knows how to feel valuable. So ultimately, the addiction is being addicted to external validation, seeking behaviors, to the sex, the sexual experience, which we can call the sexual validation.

Gregory Favazza: 15:48

I think that I wanted to bring something up and it does not show. It's called the inner work. It's an imitation of true freedom and lasting happiness by Matt and Ash and it goes into what you're saying and it or it talks about the conscious themes that go on and that's linked to the root problems and it specifically points out triggers, media choices, interests and relates to it. But what you're addressing is that it's that there's an outlet for these wounds and it can be with sex addiction, with porn addiction, with other security blankets that we are now uncovering. So my question is why go from a biologist to this?

Jessica Jordan: 16:46

Yeah, it was not a conscious rational thought. I'll start with that. Back in 2019, I was doing a self-compassion meditation because I was feeling pretty low about myself that day and I had done this meditation many times. It was one by Dr Joe Dispenza and it had hit me in a new and different way that I had felt so full and whole and complete. My subconscious mind felt I felt innately valuable. I didn't need to rely on that external validation, seeking behavior, in order to feel like a valuable person on this planet. And even though before this meditation, I could rattle off with my conscious rational mind all of the ways why I'm a valuable friend, family member, daughter, sister and member of society. But then my subconscious mind felt a million light years away from that and I was like all right, I want to bridge the gap and feel what I consciously know to be true. I want to bridge that gap. So my subconscious mind is in alignment with my conscious rational mind. So this meditation helped me with that and it hit on such an amazing, powerful level that there was only one thing I wanted in that moment and it was for every single human being on the planet to feel as amazing as I did in that moment, elevating that subconscious self-worth and having that self-compassion and feeling it for the. I had never felt it that strongly ever in my entire life. And then my subconscious mind presented a question to me. In that moment I said who needs this the most? And then my subconscious mind presented an answer men suffering from pornography addiction. And then I went holy shit, I have actually like a really comprehensive, in-depth solution as I healed from my own adult PTSD, sigwatera, neurotoxin illness, brain damage, all sorts of things and I was healing from childhood trauma that I didn't learn about until I was in my 30s, when all sorts of things and it was in that moment, it was so obvious and that was what feels like the moment I stepped into my life purpose. What feels like the greatest gift that the universe has ever handed to me is brain damage on a silver platter that toppled me into PTSD and sex addiction, and all that Because, as I was like doctors and I went to see like all sorts of specialists, nobody could help me. So I became kind of neurotic on researching myself and just diving deep into the scientific literature on neuroscience and neurobiology and the subconscious mind and the brain and I created my own healing protocol and it worked so phenomenally. I actually had other doctors and researchers reaching out to me when they themselves were sick and hurting from the same neurotoxin illness I had, and I had licensed therapists reaching out to me for help when they were stuck with pornography addiction and I was able to help them and church pastors and all these people and I'm like all right.

Gregory Favazza: 20:08

Not Catholic pastors right.

Jessica Jordan: 20:14

Actually, I think one yes.

Gregory Favazza: 20:17

I don't know, that's too funny. I'd like to insert some humor into the situation, which sometimes could be accurate or not accurate, but I don't know. So that's really that's crazy, that this is what you've endured and now it's now becoming a gift to the world to help others. Now you mentioned trauma. Now I've experienced trauma Like I was sexually abused as a kid at nine years old, and that was something that I dissociated from and came out in situations when I was in the military. There was a situation and that right as I was getting out of the military, and then I decided to go into that to understand it, and I figured the only way to address it was to go back to the ground zero, where it happened, which was in my parents' house, where I stayed as a kid, and then address the individual and tell him exactly how I felt and what was going on in my head and that you don't have control over me. I mean, there's a part of me that wanted to just pop him with an AR, but I'm like, no, that's not the right way, there's better ways to approach this and I don't know is that kind of what we look at as far as addressing these traumas is to just rip it out of our soul and hold it in front of us and just say, wow, you are nothing and you deserve to go back to the abuser. I'm good.

Jessica Jordan: 21:57

Yeah, there's so much in there. First, there's so many layers of courage that you just shared with us about yourself. Just sharing that openly and publicly takes a lot of courage and I just want to honor that and that you confronted the individual who did this to you. That takes an incredible amount of bravery. Like wow, that's one for real.

Gregory Favazza: 22:18

Thank you, yes, ma'am.

Jessica Jordan: 22:20

Yeah, and you know it's not necessarily saying holding it out and saying this was nothing, because it was absolutely something. I'm saying I'm going to turn this from something that is hurting and I'm going to heal from it in such a profound way that, as a result of my courageous healing journey, I am going to be made better. As a result of it. I'm going to have so much more in-depth awareness of who I am as an individual. It's going to require self-compassion. It's going to require forgiveness of the person who did that to you. As a result of these things happening, the way that you show up in the world has this incredible ripple effect of goodness that automatically happens wherever you go with whoever you interact with. It forces you to become an upgraded individual for having gone through the experience and taking the healing challenge and leaning into that.

Gregory Favazza: 23:25

Yes, keep going, keep going yeah.

Jessica Jordan: 23:28

So it's not just nothing, but it is saying I'm going to shift what this means in my life. I'm going to shift it from feeling like I am powerless to knowing that it was a gift when I heal from it in the most in-depth, thorough way.

Gregory Favazza: 23:48

But the one I don't want to be known as. I don't want it to be like this, is me. I am a survivor. I don't want that. I don't want to be defined by that. What I look at it as that was an obstacle that I've overcame those who are listening. You can overcome the same exact obstacle regardless of your sex, and it starts with addressing the problem and sitting with it in front. Yes, yes.

Jessica Jordan: 24:18

Sitting with it in front and seeing it and also feeling everything, allowing yourself and giving yourself permission to feel fully the full range of emotions that might show up as a result of what happened, and not taking the escapism behavior around because it's impossible to heal when we escape from it, because you got to feel it to heal it. And then there has to be specific subconscious shifts that happen as a result.

Gregory Favazza: 24:46

What does that start with? Developing a new narrative about that once you have addressed and gotten raw with the issue?

Jessica Jordan: 24:59

Yes, the narrative that we create around it is absolutely important, because we don't want to paint ourselves as a victim, because then you will neurochemically have the emotions of a victim and that's the opposite of self-empowerment, and it's impossible to heal when in that neurochemical state. And so you're exactly right about shifting the narrative, shifting the perspective in which we view the circumstance, in which we view ourselves, and instead of saying whoa is me for that happening to me, saying wow, what I experienced was truly and deeply terrifying and challenging, and I'm not going to deny that. And here's the and big all caps, and and I know that I have the strength and courage to heal from this and be better on the other side, so I was.

Gregory Favazza: 25:55

I had a little chuckle there when you said whoa is me? I listened. I just actually finished an audio book Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins and he was like the last four hours of it he kept saying whoa is me? Like you don't need that shit, so it's. I heard his voice in my head when you said it, so I just wanted to clarify that. And also, that's a good book to listen to if you have free time, guys. So for healing equals vulnerability plus safety. Tell us about that.

Jessica Jordan: 26:27

Yes. So healing equals vulnerability plus safety. I heard that from my breath coach. Brian Kelly became a certified breath coach over the summer, and so ultimately we have to define what safety means. So healing equals vulnerability plus safety. The safety component, it's okay. So like we're sitting here, you know, in wherever we are, like I'm sitting here at my home, I, my conscious, rational mind, knows I'm totally safe, there's no earthquake happening. It's California there's. You know, I'm looking over at my fireplace, it's safe. It's not a fire like it's gonna. You know, there's not, we are safe. But just because someone is safe doesn't mean that internally they feel safe. If there's anxiety, that's the subconscious mind not feeling safe, for example. And so safety in the subconscious mind, it is a set of neurochemicals, primarily oxytocin, with some serotonin in there, and so healing equals safety plus vulnerability, or vulnerability plus safety. It's an equation. You can mix those, and that's why I say in both ways that safety part is a neurochemical concoction of feeling safe in your body, with that elevated oxytocin and serotonin, and then that vulnerability part is okay. I feel vulnerable, sharing this story, for example. But when I am met with kindness, compassion, empathy and understanding to an empathetic listener, ooh, now I internally feel safe. That's healing. That is that that is a healing moment. Healing equals safety plus vulnerability and there doesn't necessarily have to be another empathetic listening ear. It can be sometimes. This is a reason why all well trained massage therapists know to prepare that whoever they're massaging could potentially bust out in an enormous emotional relief of tears and sobbing and loud and like and just kind of go in fetal position and it's a. The subconscious mind has that neurochemical concoction of safety. A massage will do that and for some individuals that certain things have been so bottled up for so long, the moment that their body, it feels safe enough while awake, the subconscious mind says oh wow, we haven't felt this safe in years or maybe decades. This is our opportunity to let it out, to start crying.

Gregory Favazza: 29:13

Wow, okay, but like what if they don't feel? What if they haven't cried in front of somebody? And all of a sudden, I just don't know, like if the body wouldn't naturally start tearing. If you've always held it in because you thought that was socially acceptable or you didn't know what was, so you would just like hold it in.

Jessica Jordan: 29:33

Yeah, that's extremely common. Extremely common especially. One of the most unfair things that our society tells men is like you can't cry, you can't express, but ultimately what that's saying is you have to bottle it up and destroy your nervous system as a result, and you have to kind of destroy who you are and you have to repress a very authentic part of who you are. And if you express this authentic part of who you are, you're going to get belittled and shamed and yelled at or made fun of, and during that time the subconscious mind then disengages and says the only time we can feel accepted or lovable is when we hide this authentic part of who we are. Hide it and then boom, that's trauma. The moment you disconnect from a real authentic part of who you are. That's the true root of trauma, if you've ever heard that before.

Gregory Favazza: 30:26

Yes, not as eloquent as that, but wow and yeah and fuck those people that would actually look at you for having feelings. I mean, they have no understanding of themselves and they would hate to see somebody connect to oneself or to actually meet the highest point of self-actualization. So they're helping you back from the very beginning. I don't know what to talk to them.

Jessica Jordan: 30:52

Yeah, and so one thing that I do with my clients is we talk about tears and crying and using your vocal cords, in particular when you cry, because that adds a whole nother component, and to give yourself permission to cry. It's almost like bragging rights in my community if you're a man who cries and sharing it with the tribe. It's incredible. It's so healing for these men who have not cried in years and sometimes decades, and sometimes I hear stories of them saying I didn't even cry at my mom's funeral and I haven't cried since she died and that was years ago because their subconscious mind doesn't feel safe enough to express what legitimately needs to be expressed in order to emotionally heal. You've got to feel it to heal it.

Gregory Favazza: 31:46

So working with specific types. I know you work with teenagers and you do like white water rafting or something out.

Jessica Jordan: 31:56

So I used to in the past and that was in Alaska, with Alaska Crossings, and I would take them on 49-day wilderness expeditions in Alaska. These were teenagers for alcoholics, methodics, high school dropouts, runaways, things like that and it would be a wilderness therapy program and it would usually be about five weeks of ocean canoeing along the coast of Alaska, all those thousands of islands that border British Columbia oh my gosh, we canoeing with whales and all sorts of things, and then the last couple of weeks would be backpacking and we would be sleeping in a new location every night, and so I haven't done that actually since 2008. But I didn't know that. That was primarily my love of the wilderness, knowing that the wilderness is a powerful place to be, no matter who you are and what experiences you've had. And so it just so happened that I worked with kids who were addicts, teenagers, and then I went and got my wildlife degree, became a wildlife biologist. Ate the wrong batch of smoked canned oysters, got brain damage, ptsd, siguatera, neurotoxin illness, several years off of work, five-year recovery journey, boom here we are now.

Gregory Favazza: 33:21

That is a fantastic catch up. I just wanted to point that out because that's what I do. I will go to different parks. When I was living in Colorado, all over the place out there I've been all over. And now, back in Missouri, there's this place called Babelard Park where I go take my dog and leave my phone behind. I just disconnect and just almost reconnect with the natural frequency of being outside.

Jessica Jordan: 33:51

Yes, nature is healing, nature is medicine and when you're out in the elements, you know if it's raining out or if there's a storm or something happened. It doesn't matter how much you know cell service you have, it doesn't matter how much you know where we were. You didn't have access to those things. It was. Let the wilderness teach us about consequences so we can learn how to make smart choices and then take that skill back into society when you reintegrate Like, wow, my choices or lack of choices, they all have consequences. They all have rewards or consequences.

Gregory Favazza: 34:38

Yes, and it connects to everything on our decision making, whether we realize it or not. But I've noticed in your work you've helped veterans. Now, was there difficulty trying to address their issues? Because that I mean I feel like you're trying to go into solid steel, because they train us not to feel anything essentially kind of desensitize us.

Jessica Jordan: 35:08

You know what Everyone who I work with tends to trust and love the way that I present information and just takes it and adopts it. And it doesn't matter how old someone is, what caused the trauma, how long ago it was, the healing modalities are the same, and that's pretty much not a whole lot else to say about that. And so the reason why my clients say yes to me helping them is because they trust me with the process, and so that part's been relatively easy. As far as here's the information, here's a little bit about the science behind it, so that you can have an intellectual knowledge which helps you to emotionally trust the strategy that I'm presenting to you. That's about it, yeah.

Gregory Favazza: 36:10

Yeah Well, how can our audience get in touch with you if they want to learn more?

Jessica Jordan: 36:16

Yeah, so my website is selfcraftedkingcom. Picture a crown selfcraftedkingcom. And as of right now, this might be changing. I'm not really a social media fan too much, and I mean. It's addictive as well, and it's a typism for most people who use it, and so I have a lot of reasons why I don't like to be on there Like so, literally on my front page it says don't follow us on social media. Everything you need is right here.

Gregory Favazza: 36:48

And I like that.

Jessica Jordan: 36:50

It's refreshing because everyone's always trying to be like. Follow me, follow me. Click like follow me hit the bell, follow me. I'm like come to the source selfcraftedkingcom and there's free information, free videos. You can access my online course for free and get started, and that's the best place to go to selfcraftedking. And the reason why it's king is for two reasons A king has dominion and control over his own life.

Gregory Favazza: 37:20

Yes.

Jessica Jordan: 37:21

And a lot of people who have addiction feel like the addiction controls them and has control over them. So it's saying that thing no longer has control over my life. I have full control over my identity, my choices, my actions, my behaviors, my reactions, all of it. And the other reason why it's king is because all of us as individuals, when we are at our best, we naturally want to be of service to others. We are compelled to. We have this desperate need to want to be of service to others and to act on it, and that's also the role of a king is to be of service to others. So as the healing journey takes place, it's mandatory to step into what your personal purpose is, and that always involves being of service to others in some way. In some way, and sometimes that just means, hey, I want to be the best person I can, no matter who I come across, and just present my best self in a way that's respectable and honoring.

Gregory Favazza: 38:26

Yes, it's almost like the law of attraction You're deciding to be this person for yourself and in return, you will receive what you put out. And yes, it is a journey, but would you the fact that it's addiction? And you're on this journey and I feel like you could travel for miles and miles of healing and all it takes is one fuck up and you start back at ground zero.

Jessica Jordan: 38:57

So it's not starting back at ground zero. So, for example, if, say, someone has an eating addiction and there are 200 pounds overweight and they said, all right, I'm never going to eat cake again, and maybe two years into their journey they lost 200 pounds and then they ate one bite of cake at like a wedding, that does not put them at ground zero. That doesn't mean that they unlearned all of those incredible things. It doesn't mean that they undid all those hurdles. They got passed and gained all the self-awareness. It doesn't mean they gained 200 pounds. It's like I actually consider relapse a better word for relapse when done the right way, is learning, opportunity for growth and self-development, because it's looking back and saying what led to that. What is the dominant effect of thoughts or behaviors that led to that choice? Let me take a deep look at what was going on. Was I feeling super stressed out? Was I feeling peer pressured? What was really going on? Let me take a look at that because when I do, I'm going to learn something new about myself, and when I learned that thing, it's going to help me to create an action plan, because I have self-awareness and that self-awareness says now I know how to make an action plan on that self-awareness, so that if that same old trigger presents itself, I'm aware, I've lived it, I've mentally dissected it, I understand it and so when it shows up, I am ready to overcome it.

Gregory Favazza: 40:38

Yes, no, that works. I like that. That was very well put. Now, if you can leave our audience with anything before I let you go, what would you tell them?

Jessica Jordan: 40:51

I would say that most people who have trauma are unaware of the trauma, and most people have an addiction. They're not aware that it is a symptom of unresolved trauma. And so to explore that and to read the book called the Body Keeps the Score the Body Keeps the Score, that book is for everyone. That book is for everyone. The body keeps the score and that is going to create so much self-awareness, and that self-awareness helps to create kindness and compassion, kindness and compassion and self-forgiveness, and that self compassion, self-compassion, is the number one thing required to heal from addiction and trauma. Self-compassion allows us or there are neurology to feel safe and allows us to disconnect from the parts of who we are that we didn't feel safe with in the past and we disconnected from them. That's beautiful.

Gregory Favazza: 41:51

That is beautiful, just. I really do appreciate you coming on to your transformation station today.

Jessica Jordan: 41:58

Yeah, thank you for having me. It's been an honor.

Gregory Favazza: 42:02

Perfect. Were you able to get everything you wanted to share with the audience?

Jessica Jordan: 42:09

You know, I think the one other piece I would share would have shared is a little bit of defining what that trauma is, because, oh, my God. We can still hey, we can keep this going and add it in there.

Gregory Favazza: 42:27

Yes, I want to make it like a special piece, somehow put it. I'm going to try to get it in there somehow. I've been kind of. It's been a while since I did a interview, so this is. I'm shaking off some cobwebs, so it's we're good, we're good, I'm usually a lot better than this what it is. But Okay, so like, how would you, how would you just like understand that? Like, how would you understand the type if?

Jessica Jordan: 42:53

you're not aware. First, I would love to drop the name of Dr Gabor Mate. Dr Gabor Mate is one of my heroes and he's helped me to understand and articulate this so much more. So I'm going to pretty much give cliff notes of what Dr Gabor Mate has to say about what trauma is, and so we talked a little bit about how trauma is when a part of who we are gets disconnected from our Ourself, and that's you know we hear that term. Just be your authentic self. Authentic self.

Gregory Favazza: 43:28

Yeah, embrace your vulnerabilities as your authentic self.

Jessica Jordan: 43:31

Yeah.

Gregory Favazza: 43:31

I always say so yeah, definitely.

Jessica Jordan: 43:32

But I feel like when that's getting thrown around, a lot of people don't really understand what it means to be your authentic self.

Gregory Favazza: 43:40

They're like fuck you, fuck everything, that's all.

Jessica Jordan: 43:43

Yeah.

Gregory Favazza: 43:44

And they're like oh, if you can't handle it, then you can't handle yourself, so it's just yeah.

Jessica Jordan: 43:50

And so kind of anyone, for example men or women, who don't feel safe enough to cry. You are disconnected from a part of your authentic self Because when you are like full and whole and complete, you can cry when you need to, in the right circumstances and settings where it is indeed appropriate to cry. Another one is healthy anger. A lot of people think that, oh, I'm so stoic for having healthy anger. Stoicism it's like a ticking time bomb. It's an emotional ticking time bomb Because stoicism is holding in what needs to be expressed.

Gregory Favazza: 44:34

I got it All right. I got something that just came into mind. Okay, all right. So with crying when you need to cry, growing up, one of my buddies, he had a dog and the dog passed away and he was upset. I was not upset One, because I didn't have a dog growing up and my parents hated dogs for no reason. Well, they're ADD. They believe that it makes a mess and it drives them crazy. I'm like no, I don't understand. But now that I got a dog Barley had her for five years, I love her to death. Train turned German, russian. She's always everywhere I go attached to the hip and just the thought of it is making me want to ball right now. So we're not even going to think that. But at that time I was confused. It's like oh, do you still want to hang out? Like, no, my dog just died.

Jessica Jordan: 45:23

Yeah.

Gregory Favazza: 45:25

I can don't sit.

Jessica Jordan: 45:27

Yeah, that's. You know, if your beliefs at that time, with what you were told and your surroundings growing up, it that dog had very, very little value. To you very little value. But to your friend that dog had very high value, very high value.

Gregory Favazza: 45:46

I wanted the dog, though I really wanted one, but to seeing that happen, it didn't make sense to me. As far as why, like I should be showing like compassion. If I even understood that when I was younger, I don't know.

Jessica Jordan: 46:02

Yeah, well, that's kind of maybe if we talk a little bit about deepening that trauma and that disconnection from yourself. Essentially, that disconnection happens when you, a child, goes to express themselves. Maybe it's healthy anger, maybe it's yelling, maybe it's crying, maybe it's fear, maybe it's being belittled for being scared of something, being shamed, and the adult says, oh, don't cry. Oh, like, stop your anger, stop this, stop that. And the adult who you are dependent on for survival a five year old needs an adult for survival the subconscious mind of that child says oh, I'm not allowed to express this part of who I am. And if I express this part of who I am, I'm unlovable and the only way for me to survive is to be lovable. Therefore, I must fight and repress this authentic part of who I am. And this is why tears get repressed, healthy anger gets repressed. All sorts of things get repressed being silly, being goofy, whatever it is that in that household, or maybe it was an older sibling, or maybe it was a bully that lived on the street or in school, or a teacher that did or said something, and now that's.

Gregory Favazza: 47:28

And then, top that off, the individual is telling you to stop crying about a specific thing. They're probably doing the same thing that they're saying to stop doing, and that's what's even more confusing on top of all of that.

Jessica Jordan: 47:42

Sometimes that's absolutely the case, Sometimes that's the case. And so now that child says the only way for me to survive in this world is to be lovable and I have to suppress that part of who I am. And these are all subconscious decisions that are happening. It's not just not conscious awareness of it. And now the subconscious mind of that individual feels insecure because it says if I express the true version of who I am, I'm unlovable and that leads to not surviving in this world. And so how does it look like as an adult, or even a teenager, or even a young kid? There's anxiety, depression, emotional numbness, insomnia, acting out in school, all sorts of ways. And then it leads to the subconscious mind saying I need to escape. Ooh, I found pornography. Ooh, I found cigarettes. Ooh, I found vaping. Ooh, I found alcohol.

Gregory Favazza: 48:40

It was socially acceptable in the military. I mean it was cigarettes. I mean that's what you do when you got to take a break. Otherwise, you just keep working and working and, yes, I'm sticking to it right now. Yes, healthy choices, we're down to vaping.

Jessica Jordan: 48:58

Yeah.

Gregory Favazza: 49:03

No, so. So porn addiction can lead to massive isolations for several reasons. Now, is that related to just porn addiction, or is it the fact that these individuals are ready to isolate in general thus lead to porn addiction because that's their way of connectivity in today's digital era?

Jessica Jordan: 49:31

Both can happen. So if someone was socially active and had good friend group but they got addicted to pornography, that there's multiple reasons why the pornography then can lead to massive self-isolation. One going and binging out on pornography is going to have a neurochemical higher dopamine reward, and so the subconscious mind says why would you go out and hang out with your friends or go out on a date when you can put significantly less effort in getting this higher dopamine reward? Do that instead. Stay home and self-isolate and get the reward that your subconscious mind is after Less effort, higher neurochemical reward.

Gregory Favazza: 50:16

So let's go down that one. With today's dating era, I mean, if we keep listening to true crime on a daily basis, we're going to have these thoughts that everybody is a murderer. Thus nobody's going to go out on a date. And now it's becoming more so connected with this porn addiction, because everybody's listened to this. And now what do we do? Do we say everybody's not an ex-murderer? People Like give somebody a chance, then you do, then that's the one time you do meet somebody who is an ex-murderer.

Jessica Jordan: 50:50

Well, I think the chances of meeting someone who's an ex-murderer are pretty rare. But you're right, if you're listening to podcasts or TV shows where there's a lot of that happening, it's going to create a false perception of what's out there, and that false perception is going to alter your behaviors in a way that isn't serving you. It's not making your life better. You're living in fear and isolation as a result. And so there's that. I mean we have these specialized brain cells called mirror neurons that when we listen about something else happening to someone we watch it, we read about it our mirror neurons light up and say, oh, that could happen to me too. I'm kind of living it a little bit right now, and that will actually change our neurochemical concoction to give us a specific emotion to match what the other person is going through.

Gregory Favazza: 51:41

Interesting. So now I'm going to say this is going to be really funny, but that's what I like to do. So when I get out of the military and I had that thought of addressing the root issue Now, before I went home to confront the individual I decided to take a different approach and I thought, maybe that I need to address the issue head on by seeking revenge on people that have done that to other boys, to other people. So it's like do I want to be a serial killer to against pedophiles? Would that be socially acceptable? I mean, killing, no, but I guess addressing that issue then yeah. But for me, what I saw was completely normal was going after that type of individual. Now, did I murder anybody? No, but did I come close to the idea and act upon it? Yes, and I thought that was what I needed to do. And then, being an infantry and mastering my job to standard and all that fun stuff, I thought it was best to do that. But then, coming to the realization, before anything has taken place, I decided to change my life completely, going to Texas, starting the podcast, then addressing the individual head on and then sharing about it live. So watch out people, there could be an ax murderer here.

Jessica Jordan: 53:15

It could be and you know it's all of your thoughts and your. That is totally valid. I mean what you experienced and those thoughts of like revenge and taking action and preventing the further damage of other kids who could potentially be hurt. I mean your thoughts are, they're kind of spot on with that as a normal part of the healing journey. Right, that's healthy. But let me backtrack. But not acting on causing inflicting pain or injury or death on another person, right, it's saying like, well, what can I do to strategically prevent this from happening again? But then also, if I'm living by anger or rage or resentment or whatever towards this person who did that, as long as I'm living by any stress, emotion, I will not heal.

Gregory Favazza: 54:15

Yes, that's exactly right.

Jessica Jordan: 54:18

Yes, so it's, ultimately, is having compassion for the person who did that is the pinnacle of healing with that, when you have self compassion and forgiveness and compassion for the person who did that, because almost every not every time, but in most cases when there's an adult who does that and this is not giving permission because it is horrible and it should never be done is that person was almost for sure molested as a little kid? Yes, for sure, and that was a deep, deep, deep subconscious, learned behavior that they never healed from and it came out in a really ugly, unfortunate, painful way that affected you and possibly others.

Gregory Favazza: 55:08

The abuse becomes the abuser.

Jessica Jordan: 55:11

Yes, there's that saying hurt people, hurt people. And there's that very real thing of generational trauma and people who have trauma past trauma on to other people. And there's the breaking the chain when you yourself heal from your own trauma, you no longer pass it on to other people, Because if you don't heal from it, you will pass it on to other people, especially if you're a parent.

Gregory Favazza: 55:35

Yes, and that's. I'm a father of a T-rolled and that's where I'm trying to purge all of this as we go, and it's I feel like it, like you address the issues and then life is happy and grand. And no, I still feel like you take the nail out of the fence. The hole is still going to be there, or since you have to continue to improve because it will be a part of you. You just learning how to live life with that, but minimal to nothing. But it's still a memory, it's still there.

Jessica Jordan: 56:14

So the fact that it happened is still there, but still painful. It means you haven't healed from it and everyone's healed from trauma. So one of the biggest things that like when I was this was maybe back in 2017 or so when I was reading the book the body keeps the score because it was very obvious I had adult PTSD from this neurotoxin and I almost skipped over the section of the book about childhood trauma and for some reason I decided not to and like that doesn't pertain to me. And as I was reading through it I went holy shit, I have childhood trauma and in that moment I felt totally broken, I felt totally isolated, I felt totally unfixable and I just thought that it was this huge thing that I thought like I could never connect with anyone on and it's so rare to have. And there was major key components of information I was missing. One anyone can heal from trauma. And two, it is so extremely widespread that most people who have trauma aren't aware of it, because most trauma isn't caused by those very obvious things like being sexually molested or beaten or things. Those are horrible events that a person has endured and experienced, but it's not the most common way that people get trauma. The most common way people get trauma is when a child is expressing a very real part of who they are and they are made to feel unlovable as a result. They're not allowed to express healthy anger, healthy sadness, healthy screaming and all sorts of things, and now they feel scared for expressing those things. That and they don't have an emotionally available parents, if one or both are emotionally available, then there's one message that the subconscious mind can receive from that.

Gregory Favazza: 58:12

Sweep it under the rug.

Jessica Jordan: 58:14

That's what? Yeah, well, the subconscious mind says, oh, I must not be lovable, otherwise they would be there for me. Otherwise they would be there for me, they would hold me, they would make me feel better, they would give me the hug, they would say the kind words, they would tell me it's okay to feel that anger, it's okay to cry and let it out. Yeah, you just cry, you just let it out. I know it hurts right now, I know it's scary. I'm here with you, you just feel it. It's okay to feel it, it's strong. I know it's scary right now. And a child needs that. They're their subconscious mind and the healthy development of, like the emotional development, those things are required. And do you know how rare it is for a parent to act that way? It is so rare. And that's why the subconscious mind now feels insecure. Oh, I'm not lovable. They weren't there for me when I thought they would be there, and so that's how the subconscious mind interprets it, and I learned this from Dr Gabor Mati, who explains it so beautifully. And so that creates a really big sense of insecurity in the subconscious mind. And now it shows up as anxiety, depression, that numbness, all sorts of things right, and now that desire to escape is really strong, and now addiction has a higher possibility.

Gregory Favazza: 59:37

Yes, okay, I mean no to the bad stuff, but that's the father I'm trying to be, so I try to be deliberate with all of the emotions and be there. It's almost like OCD. But I want to go back where you said for healing. If I'm not fully healed Now, let's say somebody was sexually abused and they know exactly where that spot was. Now, when you are fully capable of letting it go in forgiveness, now can you go back to that spot where that occurred and then sit there and not allow a thought to come into your mind that could affect you? But to see past that and know what they did wasn't personal but was done to them and done to you, because that's how the cycle starts Now. That's when you fully know that you have healed from that trauma.

Jessica Jordan: 1:00:41

Yeah, I wouldn't say that it's not affecting you. I'd say it's affecting you with a different emotion and I would say no one has to go back to the physical place where they were harmed in order to heal. And if you do go back, and even you can just go back in your mind, because the subconscious mind, it, does not know the difference between past, present or future, real or imaginary. To the subconscious mind, everything is real and everything is right now, as long as you are thinking about it in that moment, which is why we have a physiological and emotional shift that happens just from our imagination. And so when the emotions shift to forgiveness of the person who did it for you, self-compassion, and not feeling shame, not feeling anger, not feeling worthlessness, not feeling hopeless, like when your emotions are not one of a stress response but your emotions are one of elevated serotonin and oxytocin, it can have a very strong, strong, powerful impact, but in a different emotional context.

Gregory Favazza: 1:01:51

I like that. So would you like to add anything else before I let you go again?

Jessica Jordan: 1:02:04

I feel pretty good about all of this. Yeah, just if anyone is struggling from any porn or sex-related addiction, you can go to selfcraftedkingcom and I have some free stuff on there for you to just get to know me a little bit more. A free introduction to my online course. I have different things in there and that's about it.

Gregory Favazza: 1:02:29

Perfect, perfect. I won't edit any of it, I'll just leave it how it is. I think that's kind of how I like to do things.

Jessica Jordan: 1:02:38

I love it.

Gregory Favazza: 1:02:39

Yes, that's perfect. So I will email you once I get it edited and have soundbites and stuff and hopefully you can share it on your end when I release it and we'll go from there.

Jessica Jordan: 1:02:53

I will, I will. I have about 10,000 guys subscribed to my email list as of now, so they'll all get it.

Gregory Favazza: 1:02:59

Yes, ma'am, thank you so much, and I enjoy today's interview.

Jessica Jordan: 1:03:04

I thoroughly enjoyed your questions very much. Thank you for giving me the platform and opportunity to speak about something that's so important to me, and thank you for sharing your own personal vulnerable story.

Gregory Favazza: 1:03:14

Yes, ma'am, perfect. I'm not good at this, buys kind of stuff.

Jessica Jordan: 1:03:23

I do the same thing. I lead a group bravery, boot camp, group coaching every Monday night and I always tell them you guys have to go first. You know I'm not good at good buys, yeah.

Gregory Favazza: 1:03:35

Yeah, it's just like, please just stop talking and just end the conversation and just, yeah, that's the ADD. But yeah, we will be in what?

Jessica Jordan: 1:03:45

Can I add one more thing about ADD?

Gregory Favazza: 1:03:48

Sure.

Jessica Jordan: 1:03:50

Dr Gabor Maté has an amazing book on ADD and most ADD is actually ADD symptoms. Are there symptoms of unresolved trauma that show up, no shit. Oh yeah.

Gregory Favazza: 1:04:02

That makes sense. Yeah, because that means we're more hyper-observant to protect ourselves. Yes, it's the small details. Yes, yeah.

Jessica Jordan: 1:04:13

That was amazing how you just made that connection so amazing. It gave me goosebumps.

Gregory Favazza: 1:04:18

Yes, no, it's freaky Like I'm very good at inductive and deductive reasoning.

Jessica Jordan: 1:04:24

I see that.

Gregory Favazza: 1:04:25

Yeah, and it's empath thing. Maybe I don't know.

Jessica Jordan: 1:04:30

Usually the strongest empaths actually have childhood trauma, and it's because you have to be so acutely tuned into the other person's emotions to attempt to get their intentions to protect yourself if needed.

Gregory Favazza: 1:04:45

Yes, that makes a lot more sense, holy shit, because that's where it's like you can almost anticipate someone's feeling before it actually. Oh, I'll tell you what. Real quick, I'll say this. Like you're on a date and you're having a conversation with them and I feel like, as I say something, I know what's about to happen. And then the thought process, and then I'm like, oh, you're going to say this, and then, subconsciously, they haven't even came to terms yet. But then it comes out and like what?

Jessica Jordan: 1:05:15

Yeah.

Gregory Favazza: 1:05:16

And it's like all right, this is awkward, I'll check police. You're not going to like me anymore.

Jessica Jordan: 1:05:23

Yeah, I don't know. That's a form of emotional and social intelligence where it's. Your subconscious mind created that as a mandatory strategy for self-protection.

Gregory Favazza: 1:05:33

Yes.

Jessica Jordan: 1:05:34

Just in case, just in case.

Gregory Favazza: 1:05:36

Yeah, but now I feel like it's more of a burden, because it's like the more you know, the more you hate the dating scene.

Jessica Jordan: 1:05:45

Well, you, know there's that saying empaths got 99 problems and 90 of them are other peoples.

Gregory Favazza: 1:05:54

Yes, that is true, that is very true. That's why we turn off the phone and then now we don't have to deal with it and then focus on self. Yeah, okay, it's really good. Yes, I'm walking away now.

Jessica Jordan: 1:06:12

Okay.

Gregory Favazza: 1:06:13

All right, thank you so much, bye, bye.

Announcer: 1:06:17

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